Love and Forgiveness Leads to Holiness

Love and Forgiveness Leads to Holiness “Seventy times seven times” (Mathew 8:22) “Be holy for I am the Lord your God is Holy” (Lev 11:44) Divine Call is the Source of Inspiration for Holiness My journey with WWME, is a great inspiration for me to know about Marriage encounter (ME) from the couple. I have seen many of the couples leading a holy life, showing a good example for the other couples, in the Church and more than that in their Marriage encounter ministry. As I have seen their struggle in leading a holy life because they have many challenges in the family living, but they are together because they have understood each other. It is a God’s gift that each and every member of ME is called by God to bear witness as couples to be a source of inspiration for other couples. I feel that God called me through Mr. Dorairaj and Ms. Mary Alphonsa to encounter the couples. It is a call within a call to do Marriage encounter ministry as Salesian of Don Bosco. I have got the opportunity to attend weekend programs and I have undergone many changes as a religious priest. Miracle of Forgiveness In the modern world, there is a lack of forgiveness due to the wrong understanding of each other in the family living. Though they have promised during the marriage that they would live together whatever happens to death, but in reality, they forget their promises and forgo things. They forget to forgive each other’s mistake, though they believe that love binds them, but they move away from the true love experience. The forgiveness is never an end in itself but where there is true love, it binds them together and remind them of the day of their marriage. If there is small mistake, they need to let go of it, because love never bothers about it. In case there are no love and care, there is no forgiveness in the family and in that situation, the couples go astray. The living together becomes a hell where there is no mutual understanding and love. The family needs to understand each ones’ role and respect their freedom. They should feel that they are respected and cared in the family. In each and every family living when there is trust and confidence that makes it a happy family living. The gratitude is a must among themselves and constantly need to say ‘thank you’ which means a lot to the other person. It gives courage to do more things in the family. It is a great step for forgiveness as couples. Heal the Wounds Immediately Pope Francis said, “We cannot live without forgiving one another, or at least we cannot live well, especially in the family. Every day we wrong one another. We must take these mistakes into account, which are due to our fragility and our egoism.” He counseled family members not to wait to forgive, but rather “to heal immediately the wounds we cause, to reweave the threads that we break in the family.” As the pope has said in previous addresses, family members should strive always to make peace before the end of the day: “do not end the day in war!” The need of the hour is that to forgive each other immediately at least at the end of the day. We request the couples spend 10/10 dialogue where they open up and share personally to each other. The reconciliation takes place and renews the relationship through personal dialogue. It is not defending rather it is more of understanding each other for peace making process. Through this they come close to each other for happy family living. Secret Word – Say Sorry The couple’s by nature is not ready to forgive each other but they need the heart of forgiveness just to say, ‘I forgive you and love you’. It really means to come together for mutual giving for the normal living. They need to apologize to each other for their mistake which needs open heart to say ‘sorry, I understand you, I accept you, I forgive you, or I love you darling’ without any restriction. When they really understand each other’s weakness then they come together for a happy living. It builds the unity among them and there is holiness as Church insists on it. The family life has misunderstanding in each and every day of their life but when they reconcile to each other then there is a true family living. Pope Francis says, like this, ‘If we learn to apologize promptly and to give each other mutual forgiveness, the wounds heal, the marriage grows stronger, and the family becomes an increasingly stronger home, which withstands the shocks for our smaller or greater misdeeds.’The WWME helps the couple to understand each other better and love more. Love Unconditionally The couple must feel that I am loved by my partner without any conditions so that there is mutual love and understanding which means there is forgiveness among them. The love relationship grows where there is self-giving of each other’s intimacy, which leads to conjugal relationship that is kept alive. The forgiveness puts ends to the inner struggles that gives happiness and teach us the understanding and tolerance. When you practice the forgiveness in the family it preserves the families in the church and they become capable of helping other families in the society. It is a gift that makes happy and joyful family living. Love and forgiveness bring peace to the family, where there is mutual love between husband and wife. The small hate feelings lead to further hatredness and which leads to revenge. If there is hatred and misunderstanding between them, then one must clarify it. And ask ‘What do you say? What is your suggestion? When it happened? and let us clarify things. Please forgive me, I made mistakes. You are perfectly correct, I am sorry.’ If sometimes it is hard to forgive than pray to God that God would help the partners to forgive each other. When you forgive someone whole heartedly, there is a healing that takes place for whom you forgive yourself. But sometimes the couples together must renew their promise which they made on that day of their marriage. Keep reminding of the marriage promise that you made. Say I forgive you and love you. When you forgive you are being better but when you’re not forgiven you are being bitter all through life with no love among the couple. Say to yourselves, ‘No revenge, No separation and not upset’ then no divorce. The forgiveness heals the brokenness and strengthens family for happy living. Holiness in Dialogue Holiness is not ment only for priest and religious but also for each and every one in the Church. Holiness is common to everyone and Christians are called to the fullness of Christian life and to the perfection by which we can attain holiness. We are called to live holy life by way of witness value among other people. Holiness is nothing but sacrificing oneself in the forgiveness, which leads to sharing peace in the family. When you love truly and live a simple life than you become holy. It is a gift from god and we are called to be holy. A holy soul will always find its place in God’s heart. As a couple we must be open to God’s will, for none of us deserves to be holy but make worthy to receive this beautiful gift as family. Couples must accept each other as they are; that is the way they are leading a holy life. In the Bible characters like, Abraham, Moses, Isaiah, Mary and even Jesus who all led a holy life through the golden path of acceptance of great call form God. Couples are called by God to live a holy life and it’s a gift to have a passion, perseverance and patience in living our daily life in the family. Pope Francis says, “We are frequently tempted to think that holiness is only for those who can withdraw from ordinary affairs to spend much time in prayer.” We are called to live a holy life.Pope exhorts: “do not be afraid of holiness. It will take away none of your energy, vitality or joy’ (GE32). St. Theresa of Lisieux, too, encourages us by saying, “holiness consists simply in doing God’s will, and being just what god wants us to be.” We are holy by our deeds. Saint Josemaria Escriva says, ‘Let us live a pure life by doing what we are supposed to do and that is holiness’, because ‘holiness is the chief end of man,’ says Oswald chambers. Couples become holy when they make a happy family and they are committed to each other by love. Happiness is the great power of Holiness stated Fredrick William faber. The couples begin to see God in each other and there is holiness because God’s presence is there amidst them. It is an every day’s duty to make family happy by once own little sacrifice. We pray Our Father everyday but when it comes to forgiveness, we do not really mean it in the family. ‘Forgive one another’ this has great meaning in it, when families follow this they are lead to holiness and exemplary families for the Catholic Church. Forgiveness is the powerful tool that transforms the people whom you love and make them holy. As ME couples, priest and religious, ‘God has chosen us for great mission to lead a holy life by doing simple duty in extra-ordinary way and fulfill the will of God’. By Fr. Arulkumar SDB