John Bosco

 

John Bosco



John Bosco was born on the 16th of August 1815, in Becchi, a hamlet belonging to the municipality of Castelnuovo d'Asti (today Castelnuovo Don Bosco). He came from a family of poor farmers. He lost his father, Francesco, at the age of two. His mother Margherita raised him with tenderness and energy. She taught him to cultivate the soil and to see God behind the beauty of the heavens, the abundance of the harvest, the rain which showered the vines. Mamma Margherita learned to pray in the church and she taught her children to do the same. For John, to pray, meant speaking with God whilst on his knees, on the kitchen floor and to think of him, while seated on the grass, gazing up at the heavens.

From his mother, John learned to see God in the faces of others; those of the poor or those of the miserable ones who came knocking at the door of the house during winter, and to whom Margherita gave hot soup and mended shoes.

The great dream

At the age of nine, Don Bosco had the first, great dream which marked his entire life. He saw a multitude of very poor boys who play and blaspheme. A Man of majestic appearance told him, "With meekness and charity you will conquer these, who are your friends". And a Lady, just as majestic, added,"Make yourself humble, strong and robust. At the right time you will understand everything."

The years which followed were given direction by that dream. Son and mother saw in it the indication of a way of life.

John tried immediately to do good for boys. When the visiting performers announced a local feast in the nearby hills, John went and sat in the front row to watch them. He studied the jugglers, tricks and the acrobats secrets. One Sunday evening, John gave his first performance in front of the kids from the neighbouring houses. He performed balancing miracles with pots and pans on the tip of his nose. Then he jumped up on a rope strung between two trees, and walked on it applauded by the young spectators. Before the grandiose conclusion, he repeated for them, the sermon he had heard at the morning Mass, and invited all to pray wit him. The games and the Word of God began transforming his little friends, who willingly prayed in his company.

Little John understood that to do good for so many boys he needed to study and become a priest. But his brother Anthony was already 18 and an unlettered peasant. He did not want to hear of this... He threw away John's books and severely reprimanded him.

On a cold morning of February 1827, John left his home and went to look for work as a farm-servant. He was only 12 but life at home was unbearable on account of the continuous quarrels with Anthony. He worked on the Moglia farm, near Moncucco, during three years. He led the cattle to pasture, milked the cows, put fresh hay in the manger, plowed the fields with the oxen. During the long nights of winter time and during summer, sitting under the trees while the cows stripped their leaves, he went back to his books and studies.

Anthony married three years later. John returned home and resumed his schooling, first at Castelnuovo and then at Chieri. To provide for his needs he learnt different trades: tailor, blacksmith, barman, and he even coached students after classes. He was intelligent and brilliant, and the best students of the school flocked around him. He founded what was known as the Happy Club.

At 20 years of age, John Bosco took the most important decision of his life: he entered the Seminary. There followed six years of intense studies after which he was ordained priest.

He becomes Don Bosco

On June 5, 1841, the archbishop of Turin ordained John Bosco a priest. Now Don Bosco (in Italy the family name of the priest is preceded by Don) was finally able to dedicate himself full time to the abandoned boys he had seen in his dreams. He went to look for them in the streets of Turin. On those first Sundays - says young Michael Rua, one of the first boys he met in those first months, Don Bosco went through the city to become aware of the moral conditions of the young. He was shocked.The outskirts of he city were zones of turmoil and revolution, places of desolation. Unemployed, sad and ready to do anything,adolescents caused problems on the streets. Don Bosco could see them betting on street corners, their faces hard and determined, as if to get their way at any cost.

Near the city public market (Turin had a population of 117.000 inhabitants at that time) he discovered a real market of young workers. The part near Porta Palazzo, he wrote years later swarmed with peddlers, shoe polishers, stable-boys, vendors of any kind, errand boys: all poor people who barely eked out a living day after day. These boys who roamed the streets of Turin, were the wicked effect of an event that was throwing the world into confusion: The Industrial Revolution. This started in England but it soon crossed the English Channel and made its way to the South. It would bring a sense of well-being unheard of in previous centuries, but it would be at a very high human cost: the labour question and the gathering of great number of families below the poverty line in the slums of the cities, coming in from the countryside in search of a better life.

Boys in prison

But Don Bosco met the most dramatic situation when he entered the prisons.
He wrote," To see so many boys, from 12 to 18 years of age, all healthy, strong, intelligent yet lacking spiritual and material food, was something that horrified me."

In the face of such a situation he made his decision.

"I must by any available means prevent boys ending up here."

There were 16 parishes in Turin. The parish priests were aware of the problem of the young but they were expecting them to go to the sacristies and to the Churches for the required catechism classes. They did not realize that because of population growth and migration to the city this way of doing things was inefficient. It was necessary to try new ways, to invent new schemes, to try another form of apostolate, meeting the boys in shops, offices, market places. Many young priests tried this. Don Bosco met the first boy on December 8, 1841. He took care of him. Three days later there were nine, three months later twenty five and in summer eighty. They were pavers, stone-cutters, masons, plasterers who came from far away places, he recalled in his brief Memoirs.

Thus was born the youth centre (which he called oratorio). This was not simply a charitable institution, and its activities were not limited to Sundays. For Don Bosco the oratorio became his permanent occupation and he looked for jobs for the ones who were unemployed. He tried to obtain a fairer treatment for those who had jobs, he taught those willing to study after their days work.

But some of his boys did not have sleeping quarters and slept under bridges or in bleak public dormitories. Twice he tried to provide lodgings in his house. The first time they stole the blankets; the second they even emptied the hay-loft. He did not give up though, being the obstinate optimist he was. In the month of May, 1847, he gave shelter to a young lad from Valesia, in one of the three rooms he was renting out in the slums of Valdocco where he was living with his mother. "I had three lira when I arrived in Turin",said the boy sitting near the fire, "but I found no work and no place to sleep."

Money problems

After the youngster from Valsesia, another six boys arrived that same year. In the first months money became a dramatic problem for Don Bosco. It would remain a problem throughout his life. His first benefactor was not a countess but his mother. Margaret (Mamma Margherita), a 59 year old poor peasant, had left her house at Becchi to become mother to these poor boys. To be able to put something on the table, for them to eat, she sold her wedding ring, her earrings and her necklace, things which she had kept jealously until then. The boys sheltered by Don Bosco numbered 36 in 1852, 115 in 1854, 470 in 1860 and 600 in 1861, 800 being the maximum some time later.

Some of these boys decided to do what Don Bosco was doing, that is, to spend their lives in the service of abandoned boys.

And this was the origin of the Salesian Congregation. Among the first members we find Michael Rua, John Cagliero (who later became a Cardinal), John Baptist Francesia. In the archives of the Salesian Congregation some extraordinary documents, are to be found, such as: a contract of apprenticeship on ordinary paper, dated November 1851; another one on stamped paper costing 40 cents, dated February 8, 1852; there are others with later dates. These are among the first contracts of apprenticeship to be found in Turin. All of them are signed by the employer, the apprentice and Don Bosco. In those contracts Don Bosco touched on many sore spots. Some employers made servants and scullery-boys of the apprentices. Don Bosco obliged them to employ them only in their acknowledged trade. Employers used to beat the boys. Don Bosco required of them that corrections be made only through words. He cared for their health, he demanded that they be given rest on feast days, that they be given their annual holidays. But in spite of all the efforts and contracts, the situation of the apprentices of the time remained very difficult.

In autumn 1853 Don Bosco came to a decision. He begun shoemaking and tailoring shops in the Oratory at Valdocco. The shoemaking shop was located in a very narrow place near the bell-tower of the first church he had just finished building. There Don Bosco sat at a cobblers bench and in front of four little boys he pounded away at a leather sole. Then he taught them how to manage an awl and pack-thread.

After these shops for shoemakers and tailors, Don Bosco built other shops aimed at training book-binders, carpenters, printers and mechanics; six shops in which the privileged place was reserved for orphans, the poor and totally abandoned boys. To take care of these shops Don Bosco invented a new type of religious order: the Coadjutors or Salesian Brothers. Similar shops were very soon built in other Salesian presences outside Turin. The Salesian Brothers have the same dignity and rights as those of the Salesian Priests and clerics, but they are specialized people for professional schools. (At the time of Don Bosco's death, the Salesian professional schools numbered 14 in all. They existed in Italy, France, Spain and Argentina. The number later would grow to 200 across the world).

In the dialogue between Don Bosco and the first boy (he himself wrote this dialogue) there is the expression "at once". It looks like an ordinary expression but in reality it is Don Bosco's password. In fact Don Bosco is drawn to action by the urgent needs of the young and the impossibility of waiting any longer. In the face of the incertitude of the industrial revolution, in the impossibility of finding good and ready made plans and programmes of action, Don Bosco and the first Salesians used all their energies to do something at once for young people in trouble. What directed their programmes of action were the urgent needs of the youngsters.

And young people needed a school and a job that would guarantee a more secure future for them; they needed to feel as if they were really boys, that is, they needed to let loose their desire to run and jump in open green spaces, instead of feeling sad beside city sidewalks; they needed to meet God to discover and live according to their dignity. Bread, catechism, professional training and work protected by a good work contract were the things therefore that Don Bosco and his Salesians tried to offer right away to these youngsters. If you come upon somebody who is dying of hunger, instead of giving him a fish, teach him how to fish, it has rightly been said. But the contrary is also true: If you come upon somebody dying of hunger, give him a fish so that he may have the time to learn how to fish. Immediate intervention is not enough nor is it enough to prepare a different future because meanwhile the poor may die of misery.

In the following years, Don Bosco, working almost to exhaustion, accomplished many imposing works. Besides the Salesians, he founded the Daughters of Mary Help of Christians and the Salesian Cooperators. He built the Sanctuary of Mary Help of Christians at Valdocco and founded 59 Salesian houses in six nations. He started the Salesian Missions in Latin America sending there Salesian priests, brothers and sisters. He published a series of popular books for ordinary Christians and for boys. He invented a System of Education founded on three values: Reason, Religion and Loving kindness. Very soon people saw in it an ideal system to educate the young. When somebody would tell Don Bosco the list of the works he performed, he would interrupt the person and immediately say: I have done nothing by myself. It is the Virgin Mary who has done everything. She had traced out his road in the famous dream he had when he was nine.

Don Bosco died on January 31, 1888, at dawn. To the Salesians who were keeping vigil around his bed he said in a whisper these last words," Love each other as brothers. Do good to all and evil to none... Tell my boys that I wait for them all in Paradise."

After one hundred years, Don Bosco has still a message for any youngster. The following could be his words......

"I was a person like you. I tried to give meaning to my life. With God's help I decided against having my own family to become a father, a brother and a friend to those who do not have a father, brothers or friends. If you want to be like me we will walk together sharing our life with people living in South American shanty towns, with lepers in India or with so many poor people living in the slums of an Italian city: people deprived of affection, of meaning in life, poor people who need God and you to go on living. In any case, if you do not feel like living as I did, I still want to remind you of a very important truth: life, this great gift which comes from God, is to be spent well. You will spend it well if you do not hide egoistically in your shell but open yourself to love, committing yourself to the good of the one who is poorer than you."

In the centenary of his death, John Paul II officially conferred the title of "Father and Teacher of Youth" on Don Bosco for having made young people the psychological, spiritual and organizational center of his life and activity. Many people the world over call upon him as a patron saint, particularly to help face the issues of daily life.

 

RULES FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE

 

RULES FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE

1.    Never both be angry at the same time.
2.    Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire.
3.    If one of you has to win an argument, let it be your mate.
4.    It takes two to make a quarrel, and the one in the wrong is the one who does the most talking.
5.    Never bring up mistakes of the past.
6.    When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it and ask for forgiveness.
7.    Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled.
8.    If you have to point out a flaw, do it lovingly.
9.    Neglect the whole world rather than each other.
10.  At least once a day try to say one kind or complimentary thing to your life's partner.

Relationship Goals as Priorities for Married couples

 

Build a Stronger Marriage by Using the Relationship Goals as Priorities

By Richard Nicastro Platinum Quality Author

Richard Nicastro

Richard Nicastro
Level: Platinum

Dr. Nicastro is a relationship and intimacy coach with fifteen years experience helping individuals and couples. He has helped hundreds build stronger marriages and relationships. ... ...

Relationship goals—Where to begin:

First, pick an area of your relationship that you’d like to work on. Here are some examples:

1. Communication goals: How can you become a better communicator? This might involve asking your partner more questions about his/her job, not interrupting your partner while s/he is speaking, or stating your needs more directly.

2. Compassion/support goals: This might involve asking your partner what s/he needs, driving him/her to a doctor’s appointment, or setting aside a certain amount of time each day to check in with each other.

3. Affection/love goals: How often and how clearly do you express your emotions? Being affectionate can take on many different forms: directly with loving statements; through touch, such as hand-holding or a shoulder rub; or by establishing special gestures that only the two of you share. Establishing goals to be more demonstrative means finding creative ways to express loving feelings on a regular basis.

3. Negotiation/compromise goals: Being in a committed relationship means learning to compromise. Taking steps to appreciate your partner’s viewpoint (even when you may not agree with him/her) sends the message that you take your partner’s needs seriously. Negotiating and learning to “agree to disagree” are essential for the health of your relationship.

4. Commitment goals: You can’t feel an intimate connection with another human being unless you first feel safe with him/her. When you demonstrate commitment, you lay the groundwork for emotional safety and therefore, for intimacy. Think of commitment like a safety net: even during difficult times, that commitment will be there to break your fall. Establishing commitment goals might involve spending more time with your partner or making decisions that clearly demonstrate that your relationship is a top priority in your life.

5. Physical intimacy goals: Take steps to become a more attuned, responsive sexual partner. For instance, take the time to discover all the ways in which your partner would like to be sexually satisfied or come to an agreement with your partner regarding how often you’d both like to make love.

6. Shared interests/activities goals: The most successful married couples cite friendship as a key ingredient of their long-term success. Work toward developing activities that you both enjoy and that you both enjoy sharing with one another. You might try a new activity together each month, such as taking tennis lessons or learning to speak a new language.

7. Household responsibility goals: How involved are you with completing household chores? Does it feel like the work is equally or fairly divided? The mundane details of daily life (things like cooking, shopping, cleaning) should be negotiated, not just assumed by default. Find out if your partner is happy with the current arrangement by asking if there is more that you can do.

This list is by no means exhaustive. Reflect on the areas of your relationship that you’d like to improve. Do some introspecting on your own and also think back to feedback you may have already received from your partner. For instance, if your partner has questioned your commitment by noting, “You never call when you say you’re going to,” you can develop a goal to show your commitment by becoming more reliable in following through on your promises.

Is your relationship worth protecting? Are you ready to make your marriage everything it can be?

Find out how to create the relationship of your dreams: Sign up for the free Relationship Toolbox Newsletter at http://StrengthenYourRelationship.com/ and immediately receive two FREE reports that will help you achieve your relationship potential.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Richard_Nicastro

Marriage is a bond

 

                     Marriage is a bond 

The association of Man & Woman is as old as inception of life on this earth. This association is well described in all our epics and holy books. They say that for existence and proper functioning of this nature, man and woman both has to contribute equally. It’s perfectly true, because if man sows the seeds of life, its woman who nurtures it, feeds it from their body, take proper care with lots of love and intense affection and at last delivers that symbol of life. She is the key part in formation of love. She contributes more than men.

But, on the second front its man who protects woman. He is responsible for providing all types of security, be it physical security, financial security, social security or emotional security. Modern woman is advanced enough to take care of her, to earn their livelihood, and to think and plan their future. But at certain points she also needs help and support of men. Women are considered as stronger by heart, and men are known as stronger by mind and body.

In brief, it’s clear and acceptable fact that men and women both are complimentary to each other. Together they can be creator of life, they can generate so much of happiness, fun and harmony in life of each other, and they can make their life better than earlier after a particular stage. This association of both genders starts after marriage. Marriage is a stage of life where one gets a partner for life. There are several things for which you need a partner, not only to fulfill only physical needs. The relationship of husband and wife is based on mutual trust, sentiments for each other, as well as a lot of love, affection and respect for each other. All these things are essential ingredients of a successful marriage. One needs to be strict to maintain equilibrium between all these ingredients. In absence of any of them, you cannot expect a long lasting marriage.

Marriage is a lifelong relation, to be driven by both husband and wife. They both are drivers of their married life. None of them can take it along with life alone. They need support of their partner at every walk of life.

 

Some Tips for Women to Please Their Husband

  1. Cook favorite cuisines of your husband on leisure time of weekends. A candle light dinner arranged at your own home can be the most romantic way to spend a weekend.
  2. Surprise your husband with special makeup and dressing on special occasions like anniversary.
  3. Get up early morning before your hubby, and make him awake by dripping water from your wet hairs, believe me it can be the most erotic way of interacting at the start of day. It can result a very good day for your husband and you both.

Some Tips for men to Please Their Wife

  1. The best way to please your wife is presenting gifts, because women are obsessed for gifts. Gifting jewellery set on memorable occasions like her birthday or your marriage anniversary can make her jump with joy.
  2. Take you wife along with you on a long holiday to a deserted island, or lovely hill station. It can give a feeling of relaxation as well as you’ll spend some real quality time with your wife.
  3. Some smaller things like bidding goodbye with a romantic kiss before leaving to work can result smiles on your wife’s face giving you utmost pleasure.

There are several other small things that can make lot of positive changes in your married life. You just need to identify the right timings. Hit the ball when it is suitable, and get the maximum pleasure out of your married life.

 

Controversy in Marriage

Marriage is a beautiful that is celebrated on earth. It is that institution that keeps man bonded in a relation who is sweet, needs full commitment and dedication with honesty. The relation of marriage is based on honesty, Respect and love for each other. Either of its missing can create problem. No relation on earth is always flowery. Problems are always attached.

In relation of marriage also problem is bound to have, which later leads to sometimes serious problems. The main controversies which generally couple faces are:

Financial problem

Couples often have clashes on money matters. One person might always be in the vague of saving money, while the spouse might be spendthrift. Thus, expenses are always an issue.

In Laws Marriage Problem

Married ladies are more often coming up with the problem of In-laws. This can be somewhat attributed to generation gap also. In-laws compare their times with that of their child’s and this causes frustration.

Communication Problem in Marriage

Lack of proper communication gives rise to misunderstandings, thereby causing clashes and tension.

Loss of intimacy is one of those common marriage problems that eat away foundation of a marriage turning what was once a loving and fulfilling relationship into nothing more than a shell. When there is loss of closeness in a relation there is no light. It is only through people communication that people can establish healthy relation.

So it is always better to find solutions of all these major problems which lead to controversies. No man on this earth is perfect. But couple should remember that it is the adoption of this imperfectness and making marriage life blessed.

 

 

Characteristics of a Conscious Marriage

 

Marriage Counselor: 10 Characteristics of a Conscious Marriage
By Michael Russell Platinum Quality Author

Michael Russell

Michael Russell
Level: Platinum

Michael Russell has been involved in online business since early 2001, and whilst spending countless hours each month running his business still finds time for ... ...

The aim of marriage counselling should be to help couple move towards a conscious marriage. A definition of this would be a marriage that allows the opportunity for maximum psychological and spiritual growth by becoming conscious of and cooperating with the basic goals of the unconscious mind: to be safe, to be healed and to be whole.

1. The hidden purpose of marriage is to heal childhood wounds.

This involves helping individuals recognize their unresolved childhood issues and how these issues underlie their current behaviour and emotions. This will help people to transcend their surface needs and desires and provide them with great insight into their everyday interactions.

2. Creating a more accurate image of a persons' partner.

People tend to fuse their lover with their primary caretaker and then project their own negative traits onto their partner. In a conscious marriage these illusions gradually become shattered and one begins to see their partner as they really are; another wounded person struggling to be healed.

3. A person takes responsibility for communicating their needs and desires to their partner.

In an unconscious marriage a person expects their partner to intuitively meet their needs. A conscious marriage involves the understanding that needs require clear communication.

4. Your interactions become more intentional.

A conscious marriage entails behaving in a more constructive manner as opposed to merely reacting without thinking.

5. An individual values their partners' needs as much as their own.

More energy is devoted to looking after ones' partner instead of mistakenly assuming that the role of the partner is to look after ones' every wish and desire.

6. A person embraces their negative traits.

The individual openly acknowledges the fact that they have a dark side to their personality, just like everyone else. By accepting this, a person is less likely to project these negative traits onto their partner, which serves to create a more pleasant environment.

7. New methods are learned to satisfy ones' basic needs and desires.

When couples are locked in a power struggle, the partners tend to use negative tactics in an attempt to coerce the other to meet their needs. In a conscious marriage this can be transcended and a realization develops that the partner can help one meet their needs but only when more constructive and cooperative tactics are employed.

8. A person will learn to look inwards for the strengths and abilities they are lacking.

Partners are chosen because an individual can see in them all the abilities and strengths that they do not have. This then leads to an illusory sense of wholeness. However, in a conscious marriage a person learns that wholeness results from finding these positive traits within themselves.

9. An awareness develops of the motivation to become loving, whole and at one with the universe.

Everyone has the God-given ability to love unconditionally and experience the unity of nature and the world. However, due to imperfect parenting and social conditioning these qualities are almost all but forgotten. A conscious marriage provides the opportunity to rediscover these qualities and experience ones' original nature.

10. The fact that creating a conscious marriage is difficult is accepted.

Typically, in an unconscious marriage, a person feels that a successful relationship involves being with the right person. In a conscious marriage, a person comes to the realization that they are with the right partner. Further, an understanding begins to develop that a good marriage requires constant hard work, courage and commitment.

Michael Russell Your Independent guide to Marriage Councelor

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michael_Russell

TWENTY KEYS TO A HAPPY LIFE for Married couples

 

TWENTY KEYS TO A HAPPY LIFE  for Married couples

1.    Smile - it's far more powerful than you could ever imagine!
2.    Be the first to say a warm "Hello".
3.    Compliment three people everyday.
4.    Live beneath your means - no marriage needs undue financial pressure.
5.    Forget the Jones's.
6.    Treat everyone as you want to be treated.
7.    Never give up on anybody - God specializes in impossible cases.
8.    Remember someone's name.
9.    Pray not for things, but for wisdom and courage.
10.  Be tough-minded, but tender hearted.
11.  Go out of your way to perform daily acts of kindness.
12.  Don't forget that a person's greatest needs are to be made to FEEL really appreciated and of great worth.
13.  Be a person of integrity - ALWAYS keep your word.
14.  Learn to show cheerfulness even when you don't feel it.
15.  Remember that overnight success usually takes 15 years.
16.  Leave everything better than you found it.
17.  Remember that WINNERS know and work their Key Result Areas which LOSERS struggle to get round to.
18.  Wherever you arrive, let the first thing you say brighten everyone's day.
19.  Don't rain on other peoples parades - be truly happy for their success.
20.  Never miss an opportunity to tell other people how much you love them.

Children's Prayers for their Parents

Children's Prayers for their Parents 

 

It is good to give thanks to the Lord: Lord you blessed us with good parents to care and show love. 

we remember our parents on this  feast of Saints Joaquim and Anne, we would like all the families to spend some time together in prayer. The children could make this a special occasion to thank God for the gift of their parents.

We are celebrating Parents' Day today. Our parents are special gifts to us in this life. From them we learn what it means to love by being loved. As we come before the Lord, let us give thanks and recall some of the ways we have failed to appreciate our parents for the many things they do for us.

  

We listen attentively to God speaking to us through the letter of St. Paul to the Ephesians (Eph 6: 1 - 4) 

Children, be obedient to your parents in the Lord - that is your duty. The first commandment that has a promise attached to it is:

Honour your father and mother, and the promise is: and you will prosper and have a long life in the land. And parents, never drive your children to resentment but in bringing them up correct them and guide them as the Lord does.


Prayer of Petitions:

Response: Stay with us. Lord.

 

1. Jesus, when you visited Bethany, you often stayed at the home of

your friends Martha, Mary and Lazarus. You brought peace there

and courage in time of sorrow. You made that house a home of

understanding and love. (Response)

 

2. When our family is united, when joy and laughter make life easy,

remind us then that true peace and joy in life come only at the cost

of sacrifice. To help us in this task, we ask you to...(Response)

 

3. When there is trouble in the home; when there is discord

between old and young; when there is coolness between

brothers and sisters. (Response)

 

4. When there is sickness in the home, it is then that we need your

courage and your trust. Let our prayer always be to accept your

will at all times. And we ask you now... (Response)

 

5. Help us all the day long, till evening comes and the fever of life

is over, and our work is done. Then, in your mercy, call us to

enduring peace and holy rest in our eternal home. In our life and

in our death..... (Response)

 

Closing Prayer: 

 

Jesus our Saviour, we beg of you, by your love for your holy Mother, to bless always and in every manner, all Mothers and Fathers throughout the world. Behold them toiling and praying for the children whom God has entrusted to their care. See the tenderness of their hearts, the yearning love for their sons and daughters. See the many trials, the anxieties and sorrows which multiply upon them. Pity their human weakness, supply yourself by your divine wisdom, whatever is wanting to them, of the firmness and prudence needed for the guidance of their children.

 

Help them to make their homes holy and pleasant for their children, so that peace may reign in their households, and the spirit of God may govern all their words and their works. Remember, dear Jesus, the Heavenly peace of your little home in Nazareth and bless all homes. May the spirit of love and harmony prevail in all homes, so that all its members stay united and grow in love of God. Amen.

 3 Hail Mary .....


Dialogue for the couples

 

Dialogue: the Path to be happy couples 

 ADRIAN B SMITH, M.Afr



The most frequent and at the same time the most superficial I call the neutral level.  It might equally be called the business level.  We relate to people, not because they are this or that person but because of their roles, because they can provide us with out needs.  Our only reason for relating to them is to achieve a task, as for instance, any communication we might have with the girl at the checkout of the Supermarket. This is the hai and bye relationship. Its a natural way of  dialogue for the business relationship. It would not help the couples to come closer at any cost. 

 

At the next level communication is at least between persons as persons, but it is still superficial.  We might describe it as an exterior exchange.  It is the sort of conversation that takes place at a party. This method wont fit for the couples because its a particular time of conversation.  The  dinning-room: It is a social exchange.  We chat about the day’s news, the weather: all very safe topics because we give away nothing of ourselves or our feelings.

Among close friends a deeper or interior communication is possible.  It is more personal.  We are able to share opinions and feelings because trust has been established.  We are getting to know the person and allowing her/him to get to know us rather than just to know about us.   Although we are prepared to take some risks in exposing ourselves at this level, there are still some no-go areas. It is the beginning stage for the couple to have a confident enough to start a dialogue. 

The next is the intimate or deepest level and this is only possible between a few very close friends.  We give and receive as we are.  We feel free to express our joy, our anger, our sorrow.  We can weep with them and know they will think no less of us.  We feel safe in their company to be our real selves.  We do not have to pretend with them that we are other than we are.  This is the most beneficial context for personal growth.  Between people at this lever there is a deep communication in which few words are necessary.  There is no embarrassment in long periods of silence. In this method would help the couples to express their feeling this would help them to grow better as the couples. 

 

Finally, of course, there is the level of our communication with God in which nothing is hidden.  It is the union of the core of my being with the core of God’s being.  

 

 Feeling expressed through dialogue 

The most useful word for understanding human communication is ‘Dialogue’.  When speaking on this subject I have often asked the audience what comes to mind when they hear that word.  They come up with: conversation, Two people, Sharing, Discussion, Listening, Speech, Agreement, Acceptance.  Nowhere have I found a better description that that in the Letter to the Ephesians: ‘Speaking the truth in love’ (Eph.4:15).  But this needs a bit of unpacking. 

In order to be authentic, one must be able to trust one’s interlocutors. This allows one to put away one’s masks. The one who knows that he / she is allowed to express his / her true sentiments, and, even more, is aware that his / her sentiments are accepted and respected, feels welcomed, understood and consoled.

Authenticity is the first condition for dialogue; the second is listening. For want of these conditions, many conversations do not reach beyond the level of parallel monologues without audience. When the persons in conversations are concerned with what they have to say rather than listening to the other, mutual understanding becomes difficult.

 

In dialogue, one has to be specific. It means to be concrete and to limit oneself to responding to what the other says or wants to say. Mixing up issues and dragging in matters unrelated to the point are illogical, dishonest and unproductive ways of dialoguing. Discuss directly and frankly all and only what the original theme of discussion requires.

 

In good communication, concrete replies, and not vague and evasive ones, are important. Since such replies may confront the inconsistencies and contradictions in the other, one should take care not to hurt the other. The best things said badly have only a bad effect. Confronting should not be done with a view to defeat, humiliate or even accuse the other. It should be an exercise of charity, to help the other to overcome a crisis, to correct a mistake, to have the right understanding or attitude, and to put him or her on the right track.

 

It is within our nature as human beings to seek truth.  But truth (like goodness, love, beauty, life, reality, freedom, etc) is an absolute value, different from relative values such as civil laws, cultural traditions, the Highway Code, which change according to needs and circumstances.  Absolute values possess an element of the divine and therefore they are beyond being fully comprehended by us.   We can only deal with them partially, one aspect at a time.  In the case of truth, we can handle it only in the form of truths, but even here we suffer from the limitations of our thought patterns, our way of reasoning, our past experiences, our education, our beliefs, etc.  When we attempt to communicate our understanding of truths to others we are faced with even more limitations because we are dependent upon words.  Among the barriers to pure communication are the changing value of words, the cultural experience and formal education of each person, their psychology, their loves, hates and fears as well as the level of relationship that exists between the communicators.   Word are symbols of symbols and therefore twice removed from reality.

 

Speaking the truth ‘in love’ implies wishing for each other’s growth.  This concerns the attitude, the willingness with which we enter into dialogue.  We have to be prepared to accept others without any conditions, allowing them the freedom to be themselves.  Accepting their gifts, their prejudices, their way of relating and communicating, their wounds, their failures and their masks, but always believing in their sincerity, their honesty, their desire for truth, their goodness.  It means listening respectfully, leaving them the freedom and space ‘not to say’, avoiding interpreting,  solving, judging, prying.  A loving attitude to dialogue also means accepting myself and asking the other to accept me as someone different.  It demands that I share who I am, not just at the level of ideas.  It means sharing without any attempt to change the other or to win the other over to my point of view.  It requires that I choose the appropriate language, gesture and moment.  In this exchange I take a risk.  It is a risk to be my real self, to lower my mask, to lose my feeling of superiority or inferiority.  I risk feeling rejected, misunderstood.  Above all, I risk hearing God speak to me through the other and allowing God to speak to the other through me.

 

GOD’S DIALOGUE OF SALVATION

 

Our mode must be the manner of God’s dialogue with us.  Pope Paul VI wrote beautifully about this in his first encyclical letter, Ecclesiam suam, in 1964.  The third part is all about dialogue, but numbers 70-77 are devoted to what he calls ‘The dialogue of Salvation’.  He writes: ’The whole history of the salvation of humanity is one long varied dialogue, which marvelously begins with God and which he prolongs with men and women in so many different ways.’  Pope Paul then goes on to propose that God’s dialogue with us is the model for our dialogue with each other.  It is not measured by results or by whether the other party deserves it; the dialogue of salvation is never imposed on us, nor are we forced to accept it.  We are offered it with great delicacy.  No one is excluded from it.  As God takes the initiative, and indeed risk, in dialoguing with us, so we have to take the initiative and risk in opening dialogue with others.

 

FIVE FORMS OF DIALOGUES

 

In order to enter into Dialogue as a tool for community building we need some form in which to practice it.  Here are five exercises that can be used in community.  Each takes the group to a deeper lever so it is important that we only journey on to the next when we all feel comfortable with the present level.

 

SHARED PRAYER:  This is something, which most religious have experienced, at least occasionally if it is not a regular community practice.  Through it we enter into a new dimension of relationship with others because we reveal something of our inner selves.  We do not gather to recite prayers but to pray from our hearts as we feel inspired.  We share in this prayer as much by accepting the prayers of another as by praying aloud ourselves.  We are allowing the Holy Spirit to speak to us through another person.  It is active listening.  The best example we have is in the way Jesus opened his heart to his Father in prayer during the Last Supper in the presence of his closest friends.  In these sessions we can feel comfortable with periods of silence.

 

COMMUNICATION OF LIFE:  There is so much around us that communicate death and negativity that this is an exercise in which we can be life-giving to one another.  We share how each is experiencing life at this point in time: our joys, worries, sadnesses, encouragements.  What we are sharing is the common fund of human experience that the community experiences right now.  Our listening to each other is respectful, not judgmental.  We do not enter into discussion, still less do we express a contrary view.  It calls for trust in each other’s good will.  And of course it presumes the confidentiality of the group: what is said goes not further than the group.  In receiving this communication we are receiving these persons --- through their body language as well as through their words.  The communication will become deeper as trust deepens and the community matures.

 

It is often good to launch this sharing around a particular theme or question.  It might be as simple as: ‘How do you feel as a member of this community at this moment? (Note that any response that begins ‘I feel that……..’ is not the expression of a feeling but of a thought!)  We receive people as they are: this is not a time for offering consolation or advice.   Needless to say, plenty of time should be allowed for such sessions.  Nothing is more cramping than pressure to finish before the clock strikes.

 

REVISION OF OUR WORK:  Since we are people with a common apostolate this form of dialogue should not be infrequent.  But nor is it to be confused with the regular house council at which the practicalities of the community are discussed.   It matters not whether the whole group has the same apostolate or whether each member’s is different.  There is a constant need to evaluate what we are doing: to take a fresh look at what we are achieving—or are not achieving! ---and ask why.  Besides being an occasion for replanning it allows a clarification of and sharing upon the different visions that the group might hold.  It makes room for the gifts and charisms of each.  We have to ensure that the common good is our yard-stick for decisions.  This demands that we each have the courage to give up personal whims and hobby-horses.  A useful way of proceeding is to use the See Judge, Act method of the YCW.

 

REVISION OF OUR COMMUNITY LIFE:  This is similar to the above except that it concerns the internal life of the group.  How easy it is for each one and the whole group to get into a rut, despite the frequent changes of circumstances and personnel.  But it is almost impossible for a community to exercise this level of dialogue unless members feel at home with the previous exercises.  It calls for great delicacy and sensitivity.  It provides a chance to deal with some of those hidden agendas.

MUTUAL SUPPORT AND ENCOURAGEMENT:  This is the most difficult but the most fruitful lever of dialogue.  It is not to be confused with fraternal or sororal correction which some of us were introduced to in the novitiate.  That was given one-to-one and was usually negative.  Here it is the community helping each individual to grow so that the community can become richer and more effective.  The group challenges the individual members to recognize the gifts they do not realize or acknowledge they possess.   Gifts and talents are given to each one for everyone’s benefit.  This form of dialogue is undertaken only if each individual in the community is open to it.  Otherwise it might wound and hurt, whereas it is meant to be healing and loving.  We mostly only come to know ourselves through the eyes of others and only when the others have loving eyes and hearts.

 

 

     

 

      A WAY OF LIFE

 

We have to face the fact that there are very few communities, which will achieve the deeper levels of dialogue, however desirable that may be.  There are practical difficulties to be faced.  There is the good will needed to agree on a time and rhythm for meetings: to give them a priority.  There is the fact that religious communities are not composed of like-minded people who have chosen to live with each other.  Few communities exist in the same composition for very long: there are comings and goings and each new arrival means a step back to pick up the new-comer.  There can often be the one or two members who simply do not feel comfortable in taking part—for whatever reason.  Their feelings too have to be respected.  The presence of a reluctant participant can hold back the process and suppress true openness and trust.  But not should we allow one person to block the way forward for the others by preventing their meeting for dialogue.  We have always to decide: What is best for the common good?  It is in the spirit of dialogue that we have to face these difficulties.


What I have offered here are techniques, particular ways forward.  But in reality dialogue is not simply a technique or an exercise.  It is an attitude of mind, a way of life.  Without it, can we truthfully call our apostolic groups ‘communities’”  in the Gospel sense of the word? 

 This could be applied to the couples to have a dialogue for their happy family living. 

 

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

EXAMINING OUR PERFORMANCE

 

At the end of a dialogue session in community it is helpful for each participant to reflect upon the event with questions such as these:

 

      Have I helped to create a climate in which dialogue can happen?

 

Have I listened to each person (not just to their words) with heart as well as ears

 

Can I distinguish between sharing knowledge, ideas, and sharing the truth of who I am?

 

Have I carried on a monologue or dominated the group?

If others dominate, do I love them enough to tell them? in the group? Alone? Speaking the truth in love).

 

Have I heard but not listened---been preparing what I wanted to say while others spoke?

 

Have I singled out anyone in the group, forcing that person to speak or to feel uncomfortable for not wanting to speak?

 

Am I aware that I can contribute positively to a group by active listening?

 

Have I deliberately not contributed when I could have?  Why?

What other difficulties am I experiencing that could help the group?

 

Commitment & Responsibility

As a family has the commitment towards each other. It's not only to the family but also to the religious or sadhus, Gurus. When you have everything I commit myself otherwise I won't commit. This is not the case in our lives but what we have we can. In the family need to have the commitment as well as the responsibility. The women has the high rate of commitment & reposbility then men as the scientific study says. The are some blocks from people & family friends. There are difficulties to be 
Solved: 
1. Fear
2. Life is not beautiful
3. Money isn't important than life
4. Achievement is better than perfect
5. Money & happiness two different poles
6. You can't impress  everyone
7. Success comes from ability
8. Don't let you past to control your present & future
9. Take risk
10. Stop worry 

The industrialist look into the commitment of the workers and responsibility of the individual. The workers Keep growing in your commitment than you survive in your carrier. 
Responsible person commit oneself for great achievements & successful in life.